Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
