Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize