i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
