I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
