PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
