I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
