i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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