@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
