there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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