Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were destined to go to rehab together
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
