Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
