He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize