Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
