is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize