why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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