He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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