Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
