Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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