he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
