does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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