My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
