I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
