i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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