don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
