Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
