So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
