I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
