I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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