I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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