I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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