I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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