Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
