i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
