go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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