plz talk dirty to me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
