so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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