if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
