Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
