After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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