the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
