Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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