1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
