You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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