Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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