Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She's the barista slut.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
