I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
