We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
