did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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