sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
