you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
