Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
