You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is the high leading the old right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize