You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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