we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who died my cat blue again?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
