The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
