Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
