Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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