I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
