just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
