Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
