so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
