so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
