if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
