pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
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