Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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