did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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