He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
