i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
