the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
