I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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